Sunday, January 13, 2013

Oscar Live-Blogging Dress Rehersal

aka the Golden Globes. Been almost a year since I live blogged anything, so might as well get some practice.

5:10 - Came in late, missed the opening monologue. Am reading that Tina/Amy did great. Not suprised. Also, Waltz wins best supporting actor, and gives a shout out to Neil deGrasse Tyson (more or less) by referencing "astronomy aficionados."

5:12 -  Maggie Smith wins, because Maggie Smith bitches.

5:13 - Also, take a drink every time someone thanks Harvey Weinstein.

5:16 - Here comes one of the stars of Foodfight! and War Machine v2.0 to present the next award. Of course Game Change wins, because I'm pretty sure Game Change is required by law to win all of the TV movie awards.

5:21 - Julianne Moore wins for Game Change. See above.

5:22 - Arnold is sitting there looking bored (just like the audience! Oh ho ho ho)

5:23 - This Les Miserables video tribute should have been tilted at an angle.

5:28 - It's the president of the association. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - And suddenly random joke at Katzenberg joke, because the general public will SURELY find that funny!

5:35 - Homeland continues to dominate the TV awards circuit as if it were Colin Kaepernick running through the Packers defense.

5:43 - So, these video packages. Are they just playing parts of the trailers? Because that's kind of lazy.

5:44 - When you think of film scores, you think of JASON STATHAM, right? Life of Pi wins, and that's a solid choice. I still think STATHAM should have beat up that microphone.

5:47 - Just remembered there's a TNA/Impact Wrestling PPV going on. Maybe I should watch that instead...

5:48 - Best song goes to Adele. And her plan to capture every golden trophy continues to succeed. Adele pretends to not know how to react to winning an award. Still, I have no problem her winning.

5:55 - Costner beat Cumberbatch and Jones? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Also, I am disappoint that Costner didn't thank his boat.

5:58 - OH SNAP! CLINTON IS IN THE HOUSE! Crowd delivers standing ovation. Surprised there was no "CLINTON" chant there. Can Clinton host next years' Oscars?

6"01 - Amy with a decent joke there. Ferrell rocking a slightly awesome mustache. Oh right, Salmon Fishing got nominated for something. Never change Golden Globes. This joke is ok, but running long now. I imagine I would find this funnier if I was drunk. Or if I was really rich.

6:06 - And Lawrence wins, of course. (I still haven't seen Playbook, so I can't make any judgements). I am disappoint that Lawrence's dress is not on bad CG fire. OH MY GOD! Someone finished their speech before getting played off the stage!

6:15 - Hathaway wins, of course. I hope she sings her acceptance speech.

6:17 - BOOO! She's not singing. But a Princess Diaries reference is nice, I guess(?)

6:23 - Screenplay time! Mark Boal's name gets only mild applause. Tarantino wins! Hooray for self-indulgence (I kid, I kid). Nice shout out to Sam Jackson. Tarantino must have had a TON of coffee (or some other beverage *snicker*) before the ceremony, as he can't stop moving around. He really does seem surprised by his win, as am I.


6:28 - Don Cheadle wins. I have no opinion about this.

6:27 - Tarantino's speech needed more swearing.

6:34 - Hey, it's my former governor. Arnold looked so happy announcing that the Austrian film (Amour) had won.

6:36 - Oh hai Mal Reynolds. Of course Daines wins again, because see above.

6:45 - HA! It's funny because Crowe's singing wasn't that good. Cohen apparently thinks being LOUD is funny. That's the second time I can remember Cohen not being funny at the Globes.

6:46 - Pixar wins again. I'm sure the internet is going to be thrilled about this.

6:49 - You know, it's been a long time since Amy/Tina has shown up. Can we fix this?

6:50 - Well that joke bombed. Amy/Clooney pairing got the first chuckle out of me in hours.

6:59 - Tina/Amy are still being funny. Props to Glenn Close for rolling with that joke. And here's Tony Stark.

I don't have the endurance to keep going. In lieu of more live blogging, here's something fun.

Well, the show's over. Argo, Les Mis, DDL, Chastain, and Affleck won. These are all fine choices, and I'm glad to see the love for Argo. Overall, the show felt like any other awards show. Tina/Amy were good, but the show kept them off camera for long stretches of time. Really not much else to say.

And now, to celebrate Argo's win, let's remember the time when making fun of Ben Affleck was common.

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