Sunday, February 26, 2012

Oscar live blogging

I swear the only reason to pay attention to the Oscars anymore is for the live blogs. Anyways, I may as well try to be one of the cool people, so let's get this train wreck going!

5:17 pm: Red carpet recap: rich people wear nice clothes

5:26: pm: And here...we...go. Can this show be as boring as everyone expects? Oh the drama!

5:30 pm: Morgan Freeman? Good start Oscars.

5:31 pm: Didn't they them try this same concept last year?

5:35 pm: Justin Bieber? Blearg. And this has gone on way too long already.

5:40 pm: Hmm, so The Artist was the first in the opening video, and in Billy's song? Foreshadowing?

5:41 pm: This isn't offensively bad. But Hugh Jackman > Billy Crystal when it comes to singing.

5:43 pm: And cinematography goes to Hugo. Guess the academy really loved that opening tracking shot. Nice job keeping his speech short and sweet.

5:46 pm: Art direction goes to..Hugo. I'm bowled over by this shocking turn of events.

5:47 pm: Anyways, I've got no problem with those two results. Hugo was really beautiful to look at. Looking at my predictions, I'm 0-2 to start the night. Also, these speeches have all been really short. Is the orchestra that intimidating this year?

5:51 pm: Yes!! I knew they couldn't go more than ten minutes without a montage (boy that was a random set of clips)

5:54 pm: Best costume goes to... The Artist. Sure, that works. No don't thank Weinstein! Bad winner! And another really short speech.

5:58 pm: Best Makeup to The Iron Lady. Obvious winner is obvious.

6:00 pm: Okay, so the theme of this show is, "why movies are fucking awesome, how they have inspired young people, and that cinema is awesome." So basically, the Academy is outright admitting that the purpose of this show is for Hollywood to kiss its own ass and talk about how awesome it is. If this continues, this show is going to be insufferable.

6:07: A Separation wins best foreign film. Yay. Good speech as well. Should have given him more time. Can't wait for Santorum to accuse it for being evil anti-American propaganda.

6:09: Ahh, Bale isn't presenting in his Batman voice. Too bad

6:13: Octavia Spencer wins best supporting actress and is the first to cry before her speech.

6: 15: Okay, I know people complain that the show goes on too long, but can we please give these people just a little more time up their? It's not like this is a once in a lifetime event for any of the winners or anything.


6:21: Holy balls this is bad. Really, really bad. 

6:24:  Oh snap Dragon Tattoo won won best film editing! Didn't see that one coming. That speech was adorkable

6:26: Hugo wins best sound editing, and were back to your regularly scheduled winners.

6:28: Ha! Shia Labeouf doing girly screams got on the broadcast. Oh, and Hugo sound mixing. Again, no surprises here.

6:30: Okay, maybe that focus group sketch wasn't that bad. But still, it wasn't good either.

6:39: That was kind of cool. Not sure what any of the movies other than North by Northwest were.

6:40: You know what would make this show better? If Stacy Keibler spin kicked Billy Crystal in the face.

6:42: Gwyneth Paltrow just corpsed: SEND FOR THE MAN!!!

6:44: Undefeated wins best documentary. This is a legitimately nice surprise. And for course, to ruin this fun moment, the orchestra cuts them off.

Had to step away from the computer, anyways RECAP TIME!!!

 - Chris Rock's spiel on voice acting was...interesting. On one hand, it was kind of funny. On the other hand, it seemed a bit disrespectful to full time voice actors. Hmm. But, Rango won best animated film, so yeah!

 - Rise of the Planets of the Apes lost visual effects? BOOOOOO!! BOOOO!! I say! BOOOO!!!!!

- Christopher Plummer winning best supporting actor may have been expected, but it was still really cool. Plummer's suit is pretty awesome, as is his speech.

- The Artist wins best original score. And somewhere, Kim Novak raging.

- Emma Stone is so friggin charming and charasmatic that she made her segment with Ben Stiller work.

- What's with all the shots of the 1960's flight attendants handing out gift bags? Is Pan-Am still on the air?

- Hooray, The Muppets won something

- Okay, Angelina Jolie's skinny arms are really freaky. Seriously, what the heck happened?

- The screenplay awards go to their expected recipients (The Descendants and Midnight in Paris), and I have to say, I really loved Woody Allen's speech

- Wait, why didn't Alexander Payne let the other screenwriters speak? Come on.

- Of course, Uggie has to be in Dujardin's Oscar clip

- Someone needs to make a GIF of excited Jonah Hill stat

- Ahh, so the only one who can defeat Harvey Weinstein is Harvey Weinstein

- Meryl Streep wins best actress. Kind of a surprise, I guess. Sort of. Not really. Hmm. This is a good speech.

- Seriously though, I still can't get how skinny Jolie's arms are

- Man, Extremely Loud got almost no applause when its name was announced

- And The Artist wins best picture, as expected.

- And that wraps things up. Was this year's "MOVIES ARE FUCKING AWESOME"ceremony as boring as advertised? Yes. Was Billy Crystal's "comedy"as bland and millk-toast as expected? Yes. Will I still spend an inexplicably long time paying attention to the Oscars next year? Yes.

Because I am a glutton for punishment.

Oh, and even though I just said that the ceremony was boring, it bears repeating. This year's Oscar's was completely snooze-worthy. Almost NOTHING INTERESTING HAPPENED! Were the people behind the broadcast that afraid to offend anyone? Yes Hollywood, I already like movies, you don't have to tell me how great movies are a million times. In short...

Oh, and I'm annoyed at having missed the new commercial for Brave.

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